Near Dark Vs. Twilight

Near Dark (1987) Dir: Kathryn Bigelow Rated: R

Twilight (2008) Dir: Catherine Hardwicke Rated: PG13

Here's a short summary of Near Dark from memory: Set in a small Oklahoma town, Caleb Colton (Adrian Pasdar) meets Mae (Jenny Wright) one night. They like each other and Mae pretty much falls in love with Caleb once they get to talking. He offers her a ride home. They kiss, Mae gets a little carried away, and Caleb is suddenly on his own and feeling like he's got the worst flu known to man.

Because Mae is a vampire. Which means he is turning into a vampire.

The "v" word is never mentioned in Near Dark. Not once.

Wanting to keep him, and the secret of her and her traveling companions (and her undead family), Mae brings Caleb in to the fold to meet Jesse (Lance Henriksen), Diamondback (Jenette Goldstein), Severen (Bill Paxton), and Homer (Joshua Miller). We soon find out that Mae is nothing like her companions. Jesse is the father-figure, Diamondback is his mate, Homer pines for Mae but can't do anything about it because he's too "young" (even though he's really the oldest out of all of them), and Severen...

Severen is just plan batshit crazy.

I'm not even kidding. He wears sharpened spurs on his boots. And uses them. Not against a horse or anything—on a dude's neck when Jesse and the rest of the family initiate Caleb. They only even consider counting him as part of the group on Mae's insistence and Caleb's kickass moment of heroics when he saves them all from pretty much the entire Oklahoma police force in the middle of the day. And this is after he's turned completely (but he still never killed anyone—instead feeding from Mae when he got too hungry). Which makes him just as flammable in sunlight as the rest.

Put to the test, Caleb can't stand the thought of killing someone else. Mae doesn't have the taste for it either and she's really fallen in love with Caleb. She gives him the chance to run off and save himself and his family (Homer wanted to turn Caleb's sister for himself—he's old and alone in his child's body and wants a companion just like him) is kidnapped while she watches over Caleb.

In an interesting twist of mythos, Caleb could be cured by a blood transfusion (which, strangely, makes sense). I won't go into why Bill Paxton looks like someone used his face as a bullet-ridden Brillo Pad in the original poster, but let's leave it at: "Most awesome death of a vampire in a movie ever." Mae saves Caleb's sister, makes it back to him a little worse for the wear (sun burnt just a wee bit), and they use the same blood transfusion trick on her. The ending says that you don't have to change to fit in or impress a girl. Be yourself. We like you guys best when you aren't posturing or killing bartenders with spurs.

Now let's take a look at Twilight. Bella meets Edward. Bella finds out Edward is a vampire (Stephenie Meyer's version of a vampire, at least). Bella meets Edward's family. More vampires (the ebil kind) come after Bella. Edward saves Bella from the other vampires. Thus: she loves him. Despite a lack of chemistry and the fact that Bella is all up for being dying to be with him (literally), this is somehow a good role model for teen girls because of the symbolism of saving yourself before marriage. Except it's not.

Twilight tells girls that they should change to keep the love of their life. Near Dark tells us all that you can still be yourself to meet your perfect match and that person—the one willing to learn more about you rather than wait for you to change so they can commit—is the one for you.

Near Dark is rated R and has no sex—just a couple of really hot kisses between two adults (and a lot of violence). Twilight is PG13 and has an underaged teenaged girl making out with a 130 year old vampire in her bed. In her underwear. *raises her hands in confusion*

My real question is, WHY DID THEY FEEL IT NECESSARY TO CHANGE THE ARTWORK FOR Near Dark?! I apologize for yelling, but tell me which looks better and/or cooler.

This one that I wanna frame and put up on my wall:

Damn, Bill! What the hell happened to your face?!

Or this garbage that misrepresents the movie completely and looks like the Photoshop Disaster to end all Photoshop Disasters (I mean, look at how awful this is)?

Damn, Adrian! What the hell happened to your face?!

I understand that they might feel like someone would look at a copy of this thinking: "huh, this looks like Twilight" and pick it up out of curiosity. Honestly? That first cover up there had me way more interested in it when I first picked it up. I wanted to know just what the hell happened to get Bill looking like roadkill.

Bottom line? Buy Near Dark or add it to your Netflix queue. Just watch it. It's far more romantic and exciting than Twilight. And the acting is miles better. In this fight, Severen kicks Edward's ass.